Homestuck: Ship EVERYTHING
by ForcedIntoFandoms
Summary: This is a fanfiction in which I attempt to do all of the possible redrom ships. This is of course, excluding Exiles, Felt, Alpha trolls, Cherubs, Guradians, and other minor misc. characters (although cherubs and alpha trolls are up for debate). They're all one-shots, and reviews are highly accepted! Rated T because Homestuck.
1. Grimdorks

**Grimdorks (JohnxRose)**

Your name is John Egbert, and you are REALLY confused right now. A few years back, you met this girl online, and she was pretty cool, although she could be really sarcastic at times. You both would have great chats together, mostly consisting of you fooling around and her sarcastically remarking, which is her specialty. This girl's name? Rose Lalonde. Never before have you considered her as someone you could be dating. You never even thought about getting a girlfriend until quite recently, when you turned 14. Honestly, you're way too nervous to admit to tell anyone you had a crush on them. But right now, as you lie in bed at night, you're just now considering this possibility of telling Rose your feelings. You were only friends with her...right? Nothing more? But she was so perfect to you. You tried banishing the thought of being in a relationship with her, but you couldn't ignore the thought. You couldn't ignore the thought, and you loved it. You fall asleep internally arguing with yourself.

The next day, after a quite exciting of middle school, you quckly rushed to the computer to see if Rose was online. Sure enough, she was. She's always online at 4:00, which happened to be the same time you came home. Your bus rides are way too long. After a bit of a pep talk with yourself, you decide to pester her.

ghostlyTrickster (GT) has began pesetering tentacleTherapist (TT) at 4:06 PM

GT: hi rose!

TT: Well isn't this a nice suprise? Hello John, as usual.

GT: yup! would you like to hear about my day?

TT: Of course, as usual.

GT: okay, today was very interesting. so im just walking in the hallway, like usual, right? and then this guy comes up to me and recognizes my shirt with nic cage on it!

GT: so we figured out that we have the same 3rd and 6th period, as well as the same lunch, and we pretty much just spent the whole day talking about con air and a bunch of other really great movies.

TT: What about that is supposed to interest me?

GT: rose! why do you always do this...anyway, can i hear about your day?

TT: Certainly.

TT: Today was mostly a normal day for me, nothing out of the ordinary, as usual.

TT: Science was boring, as I already knew what was being taught, art class was interesting, like it normally is, P.E. was decent, in history class I had a project, which I got a perfect score on presenting, I already knew what was being taught in language arts, and in geometry I took a test.

GT: wow, how do you even manage to have all those perfect grades and a 4.0 gpa? my dad would probably buy me a new computer if i got a 4.0 gpa, which would be nice considering this dusty old one.

TT: Lots of time and devotion is the key, John. Maybe you could aspire to be as great as the almighty Rose Lalonde.

GT: oh be quiet, i know that's just your sarcasm kicking in again.

GT: and rose, there's something i wanted to talk to you about...

This is it. You're going to tell her. This is going to happen. YOU GOT THIS JOHN. YOU CAN DO THIS. DO IT FOR THE READERS SAKE. AND I JUST BROKE THE FOURTH WALL.

GT: well lately i've been persuing a relationship lately, heh, hormones, and i was just thinking

GT: i think that i may have a

GT: i think i might

GT: rose, i have fallen in love with you.

TT: John.

TT: What makes you think that I would say yes to your offer? What makes you think that I would willingly let you be in a relationship with me?

TT: What makes you think that I like you that way?

GT: rose, im really sorry about...

GT: wait a second! rose, that's not funny!

TT: John, of course I'll be in a relationship with you.

TT: I don't think a long distance relationship will harm us in any way. What choice do I have but to accept?  
TT: Now excuse me for a second, my mother is calling me down for dinner.

GT: okay! see you later then! :B

tentacleTherapist (TT) has stopped pestering ghostlyTrickster (GT) at 4:20 PM

**A/N: :3 So this is my first posted fanfiction, but I've written others. Others were mostly practice for this big project. If you haven't gotten the idea by now, I'm planning to do all redrom romances in Homestuck, not including Exiles, Felt, or Cherubs. I might do Cherubs, but only upon request, and I'm not a very good Calliope roleplayer. Up next: Hammertime, Pepsicola, whatever you want to call it, JOHNDAVE. I highly encourage reviews, and I might respond to them in the end of chapters. Above all else though...STAY TUNED FOR NEXT TIME! Toodloo!**


	2. Hammertime

**Hammertime (JohnDave)**

Your name is John Egbert, and you hate Dave Strider. You hate him for making you officially a homosexual, which is NOT okay in your book! You've told him COUNTLESS amounts of times that "i'm not a homosexual dave!", but look what's happening now! These thoughts are running through your head like some crazy individual literally drilled them there, and they are stuck like superglue on duct tape. And the problem is, you think he had a crush on you at some point too! You silently gave off signals that you didn't want to date him, and you believe the signals reached him loud and clear. Why are you suddenly realizing that you like him? He came to visit.

Dave Strider came to visit, just for a little "time with his best bro". In fact, he's calling for you downstairs right now.

"Jooooooooohn!" He loudly yelled in a coolkid-like manner.

"Coming Dave..." you shout back.

After you come downstairs, he asks you if you want to play some nice violent video games. Of course, you accept, because who wouldn't want to play violent video games.

"John, why do you suck at this game so much?" He complains. "I wish I had some real compitition."

"Dave, shut up!" you reply. "I've only had this game for a couple days! I haven't gotten much practice in."

"Maybe I could teach you some of my moves. It takes practice John. Not that you'll ever be able to be as great as me."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yes."

"BRING IT THE FUCK ON."

This guy totally has blown your temper away. He really has an ego in person, and it doesn't seem that way online. You always thought he was being ironic. And he was always saying he was too.

"Hell yes! Another point for the Strider!" Dave celebrates.

"Dave, how are you so good at this? Are you cheating?" You question. "If you're cheating, I will personally rip Lil' Cal's head off."

"What the hell John. I thought this was just a game. Don't be hatin'."

The fact that Dave can be so calm during you yelling at him is really taking a toll on your temper. You could just punch him right now. Dave Strider is going to feel the wrath of John Egbert. MAKE HIM PAY!

But, the next thing you know, Dave has you pinned to the ground. Well would you look at that—He's cool AND strong. Something you really look for in a guy. WAIT YOU'RE ANGRY AT HIM. You manage to get out of the restrain that he put you in, and you punch his face so hard, his shades fall off his face and break. One look at his eyes makes you go limp. They're so beautiful. Red eyes, although it should look like a mutation, it makes you just adore him more. You actually ignore the fact that Dave is trying to get your attention. All you can think about are his eyes. Suddenly you wake up from your trance.

"-OHN. JOHN. ARE YOU OKAY?" A look of worry on Dave's face is present. "BRO, LOOK AT ME. I'M SORRY. OH GOD DID I KILL YOU?"

"Dave..." You manage to sputter"

"John...Thank god you're okay, I thought I knocked you unconscious there for a second. Now, about the shades—"

"Dave...Your eyes..."

"I know. You're going to call me a freak, like everyone else does when they see them. It's emberassing. Just don't talk about it, okay? Promise me that you won't tell anyone?"

"Dave...I love you" You mindlessly say.

Dave seemed taken aback by your mindless talking. 

"John. Are you okay? I thought you said-"

"Never mind what I said before!" You came to your senses. "If nobody else can accept the way you are because of your eyes, then it's not worth staying around them! All I want is you!"

"John...I love you too."

"Sorry for hitting you and breaking your shades..."

"It's okay John. I always have a backup."

"But those were the pair I got you for your birthday..."

"It's okay John. You have me now. Now let's watch some movies, you fucking dork."

**A/N: Eeeeh yeah I pulled this off in 30 minutes. Didn't really proofread, just wanted to get it in today, because I'm updating this daily. Next: JohnJade. Like usual, Reviews are very welcomed, and tell me in a review if you want the next perspective to be Jade or John. If I don't get anything, I'll go with John. Anyway, toodloo~**


	3. Dorkcest

**Dorkcest (JohnxJade)**

Your name is John Egbert, and you are in BIG TROUBLE. Your dad just figured out you've been flirting with this girl named Jade Harley for some time. He read through the pesterlogs. He says you're too young to have a girlfriend, but you're 13 for pete's sake! You think you can handle yourself! You're pretty sure she liked you back too, though that might just be you being full of pride. Which you almost never are. You've sent some photos of yourselves to know what the other looks like, and she is really cute in your opinion. Now, you have one goal in your mind: you MUST make your dad give your computer priveleges back! You walk downstairs into the kitchen to confront him.

"Son, what are you doing?" Your father sternly asks. "I told you that you were grounded and you have to stay in your room."

"Dad, stop treating me like a little kid!" You argue. "I can handle a relationship, you're just way too strict to let me ever be in a romance with someone!"

"Son, I never even started considering a relationship until I was at least fifteen!"

"I'm my own individual, Dad. If you can't understand that, then I guess you can't understand me, CAN YOU?" You swing your trusty hammer at him. "FOR JAAAADE!"

**ONE LENGTHY STRIFE LATER...**

A strife sure is tiring. You and your dad are panting. You haven't done this in a while, it was actually very refreshing. It was for him too, you could tell.

"Son..." He gasps for breath. "You've fought well. It's been a while since we've had a nice strife. I will let you talk to Jade. But no meeting up with her until you are AT LEAST fifteen."

This is like winning the lottery to you. Those words that come out of his mouth not only give you pride and confidence, but it makes you feel like you won for some reason. What's the first thing you do? RUN UP THE STAIRS AND TALK TO JADE NOW.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] has began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:38 PM

GT: jade!

GG: hi john! :D

GG: did you finally get un-grounded from your dad?  
GT: yeah, but it took a while. that strife lasted waaaaaaaay too long.

GT: it was really tiring too. i fought well and hard though!

GG: so, uh, sorry for getting you grounded john...we should really be more careful about what we talk about. :(

GG: or what we don't want us being caught talking about! :D

GT: woah there jade! what're you implying?

GT: we don't really talk about anything bad, he just thought we were flirting with each other.

GG: yeah, whatever. why is your dad so against us being playful anyway?  
GT: i dunno. he mentioned something about him not being in a relationship until he was fifteen.  
GT: which reminds me, we can't see each other until I'M fifteen, how unfair is that?

GG: oh no! D:

GG: its not like we really could see each other anyway, but i was hoping i could like get on a boat or something?

GG: there isnt any airplanes on my island so its kinda hard to think about it...

GT: did you watch any of the movies i recommended?

GG: oh no! i cant believe i forgot!

GG: i am so sorry john! i forgot to put a reminder on my finger!

GT: nah, it's ok. they're movies, you can see them any time.

GG: hey, i made some new clothes today! would you like to see them?

GT: yeah, sure!

GardenGnostic [GG] sent ghostlyTrickster [GT] cloooooooothes_png

Hell yes. Time to add this to the secret archive you have on your computer. THE JADE ARCHIVE. Okay, it's not that creepy. It's just a couple pictures of her that she sent you. She is so adorable though.

GT: that looks really cute on you, jade!

GG: awww, you really think so?

GT: yeah! not that anything couldn't make you look cute, of course!

GG: oh my god john, you are SUCH a dork! :B

GT: :B

GG: but its nice to hear that i did a good job! these are my first clothes ive created!

GT: well nice job!

GT: have you gotten taller? it seems like you've gotten taller since last time!

GG: i guess so, haven't i?

GG: yeah, i guess i'm entering the starting stages of puberty. not gonna be fun. D:

GT: oh well, at least you'll still have me!

GT: er, us. our friends. dave, rose, and me.

GG: just you works too, john! :D

GT: oh stop it, you.

GG: hehe, back to clothes, what are you wearing today?

GT: oh, just my awesome green ghost slime shirt you got me for my birthday!

GT: i still really can't thank you enough for it! i love this shirt.

GG: pic?

GT: oh yeah, sure.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] sent gardenGnostic [GG] lol dork in clothes_png

GG: still adorable as usual, john

GG: you've grown a bit taller too!

GT: i have? sweet!

GT: i'm going to get all the ladies.

GG: you're going to grow up to be so cute!

GT: jaaaade! that's not a word you use to describe guys.

GG: but its sooooo true!

GG: i love the way you are john~

GG: i love the way you type

GG: i love you john! hehe :B

GT: uh

GT: are you joking or

GT: do you really love me?  
GG: hehe, depends on your answer!

GG: would you love me back?

GT: um...

GT: jade, this is so cliche, have you really been watching the movies?  
GG: maaaaybe. ;)

GT: jade, you're so cute the way you talk, the way you are.

GT: of course i love you.

GT: you're so precious.

GT: ugh, gotta go for dinner promise you'll talk to me afterwards?

GG: of course! :D

GT: :D

ghostlyTrickster [GT] has stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 6:05 PM

** A/N: The more I think about this ship, the more adorable it gets! Unfortunately, my time was once again limited, and I want to update this once a day so I can get this finished hopefully before February. Also, I would like to mention that JohnxDave is really kind of a ship I don't like, so sorry if last chapter was kind of suck. I forgot to mention a reviewer last time. Dx FORGIVE ME. Brainless me is brainless. Also don't call me ForcedIntoFandoms, call me catchingAngles. :D**

**ThePersonFromYourNightmares-Totally doing this. Gotta do all the ships. But yeah, prepare for all of them. There's going to be a lot, so have fun with that!**

** Once again, Review, blah blah blah, this is the third time I've told you, you should get it by now. Also, thank you for the two followers and the two favoriters of this fanfic! I'm thinking about not doing the alpha trolls, so that's up for debate with the cherubs. Next ship: JohnKat. Review who's perspective you want it from! I'm thinking of doing Karkat's perspective next, because I've done John three times in a row. If you guys want me to write for John though, I'll write for John. Anyway, toodloo! (THIS CHAPTER IS OVER 1000 WORDS. :O)**


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